Ambivalent

Maybe you weren’t the one for me,
but deep down I wanted you to be. 🙂

Tweeting: @thebrokenspecss

Oh… Great

Friday, 19:24

Here, I am standing next to my friend and in front of a girl who this guy likes a lot.

Today, near this fast food corner he has met her after a long time, with a question.. “How are you? and what you doing here? 🙂 “. She replies with a smile on her face, “I’m awesome & just waiting for a friend. How about you?”. With a happiness in his body language, he said “I’m fine, as always! Just here with my friend to get something to eat. 🙂 How about your friend, is the person from your college or school? “. With a shy smile she says, “Actually, He is my school friend & I am meeting him after a long time.” For a second or two he hasn’t said anything, looks down and then again looking at her, says, “School friends are always specially, he must be your good friend.” With an extremely thoughtful smile as if she remembered someone, she speaks, “Yes, he is my best friend & I like him a lot. ❤ ” Suddenly her phone rang and after 5 seconds of conversation on phone she said, “time for me to go, will see you next time. Bye!! ” In a low voice he was only able to say, “Oh… Great, take care, Bye! 😐 ” She turned and started walking away.

As we started the long walk back, he slows down and turns back to see her getting lost in the crowd. In a very less of a time she was out of the picture of our eyes. I put my right hand on his shoulder and without a word being said he turned and started walking.

Throughout their talks, I was a person who was only listening to both of them. I knew about her as this guy has talked a lot about her in past few years. As we were walking back, we did not exchanged a word with each other. He was just moving slowly with some deep breaths and looking into the sky for a while. I know he was not okay.

One thing that I acknowledge was the last words he said that evening, “Oh..Great!”
This “Oh” sounded as if his heart has ripped into millions of pieces. He was not able to speak after that. It appeared as if his throat has choked and only thing he was able to do is, breathe. 😐

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How are you??

“Hey, How are you??” What will you reply to this innocent question? Your answer will be, I am Fine! or simply, I’m ok! or will you really come out with the real actual answer.

We always give the same reply “I’m Fine” because I think it’s a heavy question with a rote answer. The reply is actually a lie. If  you ask me the same question “How are you?” my reply will be “Fine“. Even on the days I am not Fine. On the days when the pain is unbearable. On days when I ask questions like “what if”. On days I am not feeling good enough.

Sometimes when someone who is close to you asks the same question, you try not to respond in the usual fashion, but something inside you holds it back. In actual, we hide our current feelings with words which sounds as if we are the most happiest person. And I also feel like its hard to open up when you are uncomfortable with something which is not letting the actual feelings to flow.

There are two strong reason why we give the default response to the question.

One reason is because fine has become the quick generic response to the question, “How are you today?”  But how are you really doing?  Are you truly “all right” as the definition of fine implies?

It has become a tag line for our lives “I’m fine”.  For most people, when someone asks them how they are, they don’t give it much thought and simply reply with the fastest, easiest answer.  This is what they are also doing in their lives as well.

The other reason we may be using those words is to hide how we are truly feeling. When we say, “I’m fine” we may not want to burden the other person or we may just not want to deal with the feelings ourselves.

If you are not wanting to deal with your own emotions, it’s time to stop being a victim. It’s time to stop hiding in the sand. The sooner you step into what you are truly feeling, the faster you can step out of those feelings! I know its not a easy thing to do.

It’s time to shake it up! Stop saying you are fine, now come up with what you’re really feeling.